“The White House looked into this and found no evidence to back up the president. It’s a bad sign when even the White House is like, ‘We have no idea what he’s talking about either.’ And even nuttier, someone figured this out: The prayer mats and duct tape, these were all plot points from the movie ‘Sicario.’ So, it’s a good thing the president hasn’t seen ‘Star Wars,’ because he’d probably be asking for money to build the Death Star.” — JIMMY KIMMEL