Several years ago, I helped a friend and mentor wrap up his business affairs as he struggled with an aggressive form of dementia. He could no longer understand his situation fully or make independent decisions. And his family asked me to help.
One of the issues I helped with was a lingering legal situation regarding the business he founded. And I worked with my friend’s attorney to settle the dispute. As the matter was wrapping up, an attorney representing the other side wrote an email accusing my friend of faking his dementia. The tone was mocking and he included several other offensive and untrue accusations. That message found its way to me and my friend’s wife in an email chain that contained the settlement details. It was one of the cruelest statements I have ever witnessed and it caused considerable pain to the family.
When I asked my friend’s lawyer about the accusation, he let me know that the attorney exhibited this type of behavior throughout the lawsuit. And I have since learned that this lawyer has a long-standing reputation for incivility.
I contacted the law firm about this issue. But I received no response.
As a former litigator myself, the attorney’s conduct was offensive and hurtful, but it was not surprising. Nor was the firm’s lack of a response. The legal profession has a long-standing, festering issue with incivility, especially within litigation. In my short legal career, I witnessed judges demean and belittle attorneys arguing a case. I’ve been in depositions when attorneys have yelled and screamed at witnesses and opposing counsel. I’ve seen law firm partners mistreat and harass younger attorneys. And I’ve read outrageous accusations and threats in email correspondences. Any litigator can regale you with stories of inappropriate and unethical behavior from opposing counsel (and colleagues). It has become an accepted and regrettable part of the practice of law. And it has driven several people I know away from the profession altogether.
Some of the most important people in my life have been attorneys. My father was a lawyer. And I grew up watching him do incredible things with the law. I never saw the hostility and incivility until I became a lawyer myself. The law has a tendency to foster great people. But it attracts the opposite as well.
When I told my friend of the accusation against him, he advised me against fighting cruelty with cruelty. And he encouraged me to be kind–a testament to the type of man he was.
My friend died recently. And his dementia took everything from him. He lost his ability to speak and he failed to recognize even his most beloved acquaintances. And in the end, the disease took his life. His wife is a widow. His children lost their father. And at least one future grandchild will never know him.
My friend was not faking his dementia, as the attorney suggested. Law firms, and the legal profession at large, need to decide how much of this behavior they are willing to accept. And my suggestion is that they accept none of it.
Kimball Dean Parker is the CEO of SixFifty
