“Did you notice that everyone right now in public life is apologizing? Pretty much 24/7, right? The governor of Virginia apologizing, the attorney general of Virginia apologizing, actors apologizing. Everyone’s coming out and apologizing, and I thought I should start tonight’s show by just coming clean. They’ve dug up some embarrassing footage of me. It’s every episode of my show over the last 25 years. I just want to say, I’m sorry.” — CONAN O’BRIEN